What people don’t want to hear me say is that marriage takes work. It actually takes work all throughout the marriage if it’s going to be good. I have been told, ”don’t say this,” because people don’t want to know or think about it that way.

I am here to say that marriages are made in heaven but they are successful because we do the work that they require here on earth. Last month I was married to the love of my life for forty years and we settled another issue just this morning. That’s married life when it’s good. Not settling issues leads to numbness, resentment and often divorce.

So if you are looking for a mate, recently married or married for years, please share this truth with your beloved and enroll them in the “work”. A lot of it can be fun like in the recent movie ”Hope Springs”. In the movie Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones have developed a numb and sexless marriage after years together after the children have grown up. Meryl Streep signs them up for an intensive marriage weekend with Steve Carell and they are off and running. The movie isn’t all laughs and always easy to watch but enlightening.

Marriage should include sex, laughter, fun, work, conflict resolution, cherishing and joy to name a few. Don’t be afraid of doing the work and make sure that you have a partner who will do the work too .If they resist request, plead, insist, jump up and down, get help and do the work together. If you are dating someone who won’t-

I recommend that you run the other way.