A few months ago another expert in my field stated that he didn’t believe that couples got much value out of practicing talking and listening to each other in a therapist’s office. I disagree. Many times i have wonderful couples come to me in crisis because no one is listening to each other. Discussions go south and their life together becomes emotional chaos.

Actually learning to just listen, feed back what you’ve heard and gain understanding of each others point of view can solve a myriad of problems. I had a great couple the other day who had a wonderful sense of humor together but had been reduced to arguing about absolutely everything. They never settled their different points of view because no one was listening to each other. We practiced listening and speaking in a direct manner, and they left happy. It was an easy fix.

So whenever you and your beloved start to unravel your relationship by not settling issues, take a look at whether you are speaking and listening to each other with love, kindness and clarity. I know that this works.